


How do I live...without you?

by Gauky1976



Series: Love of My Life [4]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:55:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22850587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gauky1976/pseuds/Gauky1976
Summary: The unthinkable happens and Brian is forced to confront life without his best friend and the love of his life. How does he cope and how do his family and friends help him through the darkest time of his life?
Relationships: Adam Lambert/Rufus Taylor, Brian May/Roger Taylor, Joe Elliott/Brian May
Series: Love of My Life [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383409
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Only The Good Die Young

It had happened so quickly. Laughter filled the air and Brian; Roger and Adam were running on a post-show high. The flash of a blade. A groan…a scream and their lives all changed in a heartbeat. 

“You took my love away from me and now it’s my turn to take him from you.” A voice pierced the darkness as the blade of a large carving knife was plunged into Roger’s heart. He looks up at his beloved husband in shock before his knees buckle and he slumps to the ground.

“ROGER!” A scream tears from Brian’s throat as he rushes forward to catch his fallen lover before he hits the hard concrete. He cradles his husband’s head and screams for someone to get help. “Stay with me. Don’t you dare leave me and Gracie like this. You promised me forever and it is NOT going to end this way.” He sobs as he presses down on his lover’s chest, causing him to groan.

Roger looks up and blinks to clear his eyesight. “Brimi. I’m so sorry.” He whispers as he loses consciousness. 

“Damnit, Roger! It’s doesn’t end like this….you promised.” Brian feels Roger being lifted out of his arms and he looks into the eyes of a paramedic. Pete grabs him as Roger is loaded into the ambulance which races off down the road, sirens blaring.

Brian looks down and sees the blood—Roger’s blood--covering his hands and shirt. He trembles violently as Pete grabs him before he hits the ground. “Come on Boss. He needs you. We’ll go to the hospital and see what’s going on.”

A little while later, the family is gathered in a private room of the local hospital. Brian and Gracie are huddled together while Adam restlessly paces the room as Rufus watches from the corner. The door swings open and Brian looks up into the eyes of Miami Beach, Queen’s manager and instantly knows what he’s about to say.

“No! Don’t you dare Miami! He’s not dead. He’s not!” Brian screams.

“I’m so sorry Brian. He died from massive blood loss and a pierced heart on his way here.” Miami reaches his hand out to Brian who shrugs it off roughly.

“No! No! Oh God no!” Brian’s knees buckle and he falls to the ground, gasping for air. “He promised me!” he sobs. He feels a small body crash into him and is only slightly aware that Gracie has her face buried in his chest screaming. He wraps his arms around his daughter as they both sob.

Adam watches the scene unfold. “Have they found who did this? Who told Brian that he’d taken Roger from them before it happened.?” Miami shakes his head. “I have no idea, but the police want to speak to you all.”

Adam looks over at Brian and Gracie. “Do you really think that will happen tonight?” 

“Of course not. But they do need to soon.”

Adam nods sadly. “This is gonna destroy him Miami. They had been soulmates for over fifty years.”

“I know. We better keep an eye on him and Gracie.”


	2. The Show Must Go On

It had been one week since the unthinkable had happened and Roger had died after being stabbed by an obsessed fan. Seven days had passed since the day both Brian and Gracie’s lives had changed in a heartbeat. Seven days since the big blue eyes that they both adored had closed forever and left a gaping hole where their hearts had been.

Gracie sits up in bed shaking violently. She had seen the whole thing happen and can’t shake the sound of her Papa’s scream from her head. She saw her Daddy crumple into her Papa’s arms and saw the flash of light from the blade that ended her Daddy’s life.

She swings her legs over the edge of the bed and her feet touch the floor. She knew it was way too late for her to be up, creeping around the house but she was worried about her Papa. She quietly crept down the hall to the master bedroom where she stood at the door listening. She hears a soft sobbing coming from the other side of the door where her Papa would be and softly opens the door.

Brian looks up as the door swings open and quickly turns his head before he sees who’s there. His heart lurched when he saw it was his beloved daughter out of the corner of his eyes and he quickly wipes his eyes. “What are you doing up at this time of night Poppet?” he asks softly.

“I could ask you the same thing, Papa. I’m worried about you.”

Brian’s face falls and he chews his lip. “I’m fine Poppet. No need to worry about me.”

Gracie feels angry. “You’re not okay Papa. How can you be? Stop lying to me! This is exactly why me, Ru and Adam and Pete and everyone else is worried about you. Daddy died in your arms, right in front of me! How can any of this be right?” Gracie sobs as Brian wraps his arms around her shaking body. “It’s so unfair. I want my Daddy back Papa!”

“Oh, sweetheart! I want him back so much. We all do. But the police caught the person who did this and they will be punished. I know it doesn’t help and Daddy’s still gone. But we are all here for you my sweet girl.” He tightens his arms around Gracie and feels the tears spilling onto her head.

A few hours later, Brian feels his eyes flutter open and feels a weight against his body. His breath catches in his throat, thinking it was Roger, but remembers what happened and sees Gracie curled up against him. She snuffles in her sleep and looks up sleepily at Brian, who smiles softly.

“Morning sweetheart.”

“Morning Papa.” Gracie stretches and yawns. She gets out of bed without saying a word and walks out of the room. Brian watches her leave and lies back, staring at the ceiling.

Today was the day that Miami wanted to alert the press and the fans as to Roger’s death. There had been rumours swirling in the days that followed the incident, but Brian’s main concern had been helping Gracie deal with it before letting the press know. Past experience had taught him that keeping silent only fuelled the rumour mill and it was better to get things out in the open sooner rather than later.

Brian knew he had to get up and face the press, but he honestly didn’t want to. By telling people what had happened, it made it all too real and Brian wasn’t sure if he could say the words without breaking down. The selfish part of him wanted Miami to do it, but he knew that he would have to face the fans at some point, so it may as well be now.


	3. Long Away

A short time later, Miami, Rufus, Adam, and Brian sat in a room filled with cameras and reporters. Miami cleared his throat and began to speak.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for being here this morning. I will release a short statement and depending on the others, we may or may not take questions. As you may have already heard, on the night of the 9th March, there was an incident involving Brian May, Roger Taylor-May and an unknown assailant which resulted in the death of Roger Taylor-May by a fatally inflicted stab wound to the heart.”

A collective gasp was heard around the room and Adam grabbed Brian’s hand under the table to steady and ground him. 

Miami waits for the noise to settle and continues. “The incident was witnessed by Brian May, Rufus Taylor, Adam Lambert, Pete Malandrone, Brian’s long-time guitar technician, and Brian and Roger’s daughter Grace who have provided police with information regarding the crime. As you can imagine, our first concern is helping Brian and Grace deal with the enormous loss of their husband and father and their privacy at such a tragic time.” Miami looks over to Brian who is as white as a sheet and nods. 

“Do you want to take questions, Brian?” Miami asks softly.

Brian swallows hard and looks up and sees Gracie standing in the corner of the room with her sisters Lola, Rory, and Tiger Lilly. He slowly shakes his head and looks down. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. We are done here.” Miami stands, signaling the end of the press conference. 

Brian keeps his head down as people start filing out of the room. He can vaguely hear people offering Rufus, Adam, and Pete their condolences as feels a light touch on his cheek. He looks up and into the baby blue eyes of his daughter.

“Come on Papa.” She extends her hand. Brian looks up, wiping his face and tries to smile for his precious girl. “Pete said he’d take us all home.”

Roger stands silently in the corner, watching the scene unfolding before him. He looks into the eyes of his shattered family and feels his heartbreak at the sight of his baby girl and his Space Man. He gasps softly as Brian looks straight at him, but sadly doesn’t see him.

“Oh Bri…” he whispers softly.

Brian looks up sharply, “What’s wrong Papa?” Gracie asks him, looking concerned.

Brian’s eyes dart around the room quickly, “I swear….I-I…” He clears his throat, “Nothing….I’m fine.”

Gracie looks over at Adam with a worried look in her eyes. He grabs her hand and squeezes it mouthing, “I’ll stay with him.”

All too soon the family arrives home and Brian shudders as he hears the gate swing closed behind the car. He feels his breathing speed up and before he knows what’s happened, he is in the middle of a panic attack. 

“I can’t breathe!” He screams. “Oh God! No! No! Roger no!!”

Adam grabs him and forces Brian to look at him. “Brian. Listen to me! It’s ok…. you’re safe! You’re here and it’s ok. You’re having a panic attack.”  
“No! He can’t die, Adam! I …we need him.” Brian sobs. 

Adam realizes that Brian is flashing back to the night Roger died. He pulls him out of the car and yells at Rufus and the girls to take Gracie inside. He holds Brian tightly, whispering softly to him.

“I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” Brian is hyperventilating and shaking violently against Adam. 

Adam grabs the older man and holds him tightly. “I’ve got you, Brian. It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

Brian turns his face to Adam, tear tracks lining the pale skin.” Okay? How is this okay? He’s dead and I have to spend the rest of my life without him! I have to spend the rest of my life knowing he died in front of me!”

“You know that we, every single last one of us, are here for you and for Gracie. Somehow, we’ll deal with what happened. No matter how long it takes.” Adam vows. “You need us, and we need you…all of us but especially Gracie. She needs her Papa more than ever…to tell her stories about you and Roger…how you met…the crazy shit you used to do…How you fell in love and how and why you both chose her to be your daughter.”

“I can’t do it without him Adam…it wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

Adam closes his eyes against the tears. “I wish I could change things for you Bri…I really do. But I can’t. All I can do is promise you right here, right now that I am here for you and Gracie always. Ru has been wanting me to move to the UK for months and now I have the perfect reason to. I want to be closer to you guys anyway.”

Brian startles and looks up at the younger man, “What about your life in the States?”

“What about my life here? Don’t tell Ru I told you this, but I’m going to propose to him. I was gonna do it that night…” Adam falters slightly, “I just wish Rog was here to see it.” He mumbles softly.

Brian smiles, “He would have loved having you as a son-in-law. He adored you and often said how much you reminded him of Freddie.”

Adam sniffles and holds out a hand to Brian. “Come on old man. My knees can’t take much more of this.” Brian takes his hand and Adam helps him to his feet.

“Thank you, Adam.”

Adam shrugs, “For what?”

Brian smiles softly at the younger man. “Everything.”


	4. Let Us Cling Together

Roger watches the scene unfold before him, with a soft smile. “Goddamnit. Adam is gonna ask Rufus to marry him.” He whispers, the tears filling his eyes. He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks into the warm eyes of Freddie and Jim who were standing behind him.

“He’s grown into a fine man Roger. You must be so proud.” Freddie says softly.

“We are…I mean I am.” Roger quickly tries to hide the slip of his tongue. Freddie smiles, “Brian is as proud of him as you are. He always did have a soft spot for our little Tiger, didn’t he?”

“He is such a good father Fred. Far better than I ever was. Ohh you should have seen him when we picked Gracie up. I don’t think he slept for the whole first week she was home. He was always checking on her or picking her up when she fussed. I always said she was Papa’s girl.”

“She has your cheekiness and sassiness down pat too I think.” Jim winks at the younger man.

“Totally got your pout down and I don’t think I could ever say no to those big blue eyes. God knows I could never say no to yours Rog.” Freddie laughs.

Roger looks down and sees Gracie, Adam, and Brian sitting around the kitchen table like they had done so many times before. His bottom lip trembles as he looks down at his family, but especially his heartbroken husband. “Ohh Bri..I’m so sorry.” He whispers. 

Brian looks up blinks back the tears filling his eyes. “I’m sorry guys. I’m not good company I’m afraid. Think I might just go to bed.”

Gracie stands and Brian waves her away. “Stay here with the others Poppet. I’m getting a migraine so I’m gonna take a nap before it gets any worse.” He tries to smile but it comes out as a grimace and walks out of the room.

Gracie looks over at Adam and Rufus. “Doesn’t Papa love me anymore?” 

“No sweetheart! He loves you so much. What makes you say that?” Rory jumps up and rushes over to her sister, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl.  


“He doesn’t want to be around me.” Gracie sobs.

“Oh sweetheart, He loves you so much, but he needs some time to himself to try and understand what happened. That’s all.”  


"My daddy’s dead and it feels like Papa is too.” 

Adam nods to the others. “I’m gonna go check on him.” He walks over and kisses Gracie on the head. “Stay here sweetheart. I’ll go and see what’s happening.”

Adam walks upstairs and to the door of the master bedroom. He taps on the closed door and waits for an answer. When he doesn’t get one, he pushes the door open and walks into the room, heart clenching as he sees Brian wrapped around Roger’s pillow sobbing.

“Ohhh Bri.” He breathes as he sits on the bed, pulling the older man into his arms. 

Brian feels the arms wrap around him and is only just aware Adam is holding them. He tries to pull away from the younger man who holds him tightly. 

“Relax Bri. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

Adam lets go of Brian and looks at him sadly. “Bri. I need you to listen to me for a moment. We all know how upset you are about what happened, but Gracie is lost and confused right now. She needs you now and needs to know you’re there.”

Brian looks sharply at Adam. “What are you talking about?”

Adam chews his lip. “Just remember, you aren’t the only one to lose Roger. There is a very confused ten-year-old girl downstairs who saw her father killed in front of her and whose remaining parent is turning away from her. She just told us that her Daddy is dead, and it feels like her Papa is too.”

Brian gasps as he realizes what Adam is saying is true. “I—I didn’t mean it.”

“I know that. But she doesn’t and she needs you.”

“What do I do Adam? I just feel….so lost.”

“So, tell her that. Reassure her that she still has her Papa and that he’s not going anywhere.”

Brian nods sadly, chewing his lip. “Okay.” He stands stiffly and walks out of the room, heading downstairs.

Gracie looks up as she hears the living room door open and sees her Papa standing there. She frowns and turns her head away as he walks into the room. “Go away, Papa. I’m angry at you.”

Brian sits down on the sofa and waits for Gracie to say more. “Why did he have to die Papa? Why did that person say that you took their love away from them, so they had to take Daddy away from us? Why didn’t you stop them?”

Brian swallows hard. “I don’t know why he had to die Poppet. I could tell you that it was his time to go but I know that sounds like nonsense. I could tell you it was all a part of God’s cosmic plan but I’m not even sure I believe that. I don’t know why I didn’t stop them; I couldn’t have even if I wanted to as I probably would have been stabbed too and I might have even died. Believe me when I tell you that I would swap places with him in a heartbeat if it meant that he was still alive.”

Gracie looks over at Brian in horror. “But you would be dead then!”

“Probably.” Brian nods, shrugging.

Gracie rushes over to where Brian was standing and throws herself at him, “You can’t die Papa. I need you.”

Brian wraps his arms around his daughter, tears filling his eyes. “Ohhh Poppet. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t do anything,” he sobs holding his precious daughter close. “I wish I saw that blade sooner and pushed him outta the way…or…or something.”

Roger looks down at the two grand loves of his life and his heart shatters as he hears Brian sob. “Ohhh Brimi. This wasn’t your fault. Ohh, lover. Please don’t blame yourself.”

Brian hears a whisper on the wind and looks over to the open window. He blinks as he sees Roger standing in the corner of the room, looking exactly as he did the night he died. He shakes his head, heartrate rising as a panic attack grips him.“You’re not here. You died.” He whispers. “You died! Damnit, Roger! You died.”

Adam hears the scream come from the living room and rushes in. “Bri? What’s going on?” Rufus is behind him and untangles Gracie from Brian’s arms and takes her upstairs.

“He’s here. Roger…he’s here!” Brian turns his face to Adam and the younger man sees how terrified Brian is. Brian points to the corner of the room. “I’m not going crazy Adam. I saw him.”

Adam quickly looks to where Brian is pointing and sees nothing. “It’s okay Bri. Shhh.”

Brian looks at Adam with a look of betrayal crossing his face. “You think I’m insane, don’t you?”

“No Brian. All I think is you’re a man who has had a massive trauma and who is dealing with things the best way he can.”

Brian looks over to the corner and straight into Roger’s deep blue eyes. “I don’t understand. He’s here…in the corner.” His face falls as he slowly realizes that Adam can’t see Roger. “Never mind. Probably dreaming.”

Adam nods and walks towards the door. He turns back to see Brian staring at the wall with an arm outstretched, a soft smile on his face. He walks out to the kitchen and sees Rufus who wraps his arms around him.

“Oh, God. What do we do? This will tear Brian apart. He thinks he’s seeing your father, Ru.” Adam sobs on Rufus’ shoulder. “He looks so lost and what about Gracie?” 

“We’ll work it out, sweetheart. We’ll be there for them no matter what.”


	5. Who Needs You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions Brian's suicide attempt. If this is a trigger for you, DO NOT CONTINUE!!

Gracie was upstairs with Rory and Lola, trying hard not to cry. “It’s so unfair. I didn’t know Daddy as long as you did.” She whispers. “I know you’re not supposed to hate anyone, so Papa says but I hate the person who did this so much that I want to hurt them so bad.”

Lola looks down at her baby sister. “I know sweetheart. I do too. But instead of dwelling on our hate, maybe we can tell you stories about Daddy. Would you like that?”

Gracie sits up nodding. “You’d do that for me?”

“Always sweetheart.” Rory smiles. “Anything you want to know, if we know, we’ll tell you. Promise.”

The three girls spent the night reminiscing, laughing and crying over memories of their father. The two older girls shared stories about their younger years and Gracie giggled as she shared her limited memories of her daddy. It wasn’t long before Adam stuck his head in to check on Gracie to find the three sisters curled up together, sound asleep. He smiles as he closes the door before heading to check on Brian.

Brian stares into the blue eyes of his one true soulmate. “I don’t understand. I saw you get stabbed. How can you be here?”

Roger reaches out and cups the face of his broken-hearted husband. “I don’t know Brimi. But I want you to listen to what I’m about to tell you. This…me dying…isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you and you must not blame yourself. Gracie needs you. Our family needs you. Our fans need you and I know you’re devastated…” Roger rests his forehead against Brian’s, “But you must promise me, you won’t do anything stupid. That if you need help, you ask for it. Gracie needs you, especially now. Promise me now Bri, or else I won’t come back.”

Brian pulls away and looks down. “Brian! No! Don’t you dare even consider it! Our daughter needs you!” Roger grabs Brian and forces him to look at him. “She saw me die, Brian. Don’t you dare let her see you die.”

Brian wrenches his head away. “You’re dead! You don’t get to tell me how to deal with this Roger. You left and as usual, I’m left to clean up your shit!”  


Adam stands at the bedroom door, fist raised to knock. He listens to what’s happening on the other side of the door and drops his hand. He hears Brian’s raised voice speaking to…. Roger. He shakes his head and quietly opens the door.

“Did you ever truly love me, Roger?” Brian is ranting as he paces the room. “Or was I another notch on the bedpost for you?”

Roger looks horrified. “You have to ask me that? After fifty goddamn years? Fifty goddamn years of not even looking at anyone else but you… you sanctimonious fucking prick? Even when I slept around, you son of a bitch, you were the only one I wanted. And you, Sir, are a hypocrite. You got fucking married!”

“Yeah, and it was the best thing I ever did. I regret wasting time with you. I regret wanting you and I regret…” Brian stops himself before saying anything more.

“Go on Brian. Tell me! What else do you regret?”  


Brian shakes his head. “No!”

Roger grabs Brian’s arms forcing the older man to turn to face him. “Tell me.”

“I regret not jumping off that bridge when I had the chance.” Brian snarls.

Roger drops his hands and takes a step back. “I see. You would have rather killed yourself instead of being with me. Okay.” He nods and wipes a hand across his face. “Well then. I guess it’s good that we finally cleared the air. So sorry to have wasted fifty years of your life. For what it’s worth, the only thing I regret in my life is that I wasted so much time not telling you how I really felt about you. About us.”

He fades away leaving Brian standing in the middle of the room. He turns and sees Adam and looks away wondering what the young man heard. “Didn’t see you there.”

Adam watches the older man carefully. “I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay but just to let you know, Gracie is with Rory and Lola. Ru and I are calling it a night but if you need us, come wake us up okay?”

Brian nods and Adam walks out, leaving the older man alone.


	6. Feelings, Feelings

Roger faces Jim and Freddie, tears sheeting down his face. “He said that he wasted the last fifty years with me…that he regrets not killing himself.”

“Surely he didn’t mean it, Roger. He adored you.” Jim tries to placate the younger man who is sobbing against his chest.

“You didn’t hear him. He was vicious. It was like…he was enjoying being so cruel.”

Freddie grabs the younger man’s face. “That doesn’t sound like Brimi. Our gentle Space Man doesn’t have a harsh bone in his body.”

“If either of you tell me it’s his grief talking, I’ll deck the pair of you.”

“You know he adores you Roger and has for fifty years. He’s angry and hurt and utterly devastated. I am sure, that once his grief heals, however long that takes, he will tell you that he didn’t mean any of it.” Freddie tries to console his sobbing friend.

“You didn’t hear him, Fred. It was Brian standing in front of me, but the words coming from his mouth were unlike anything I have ever heard from him.”

Freddie looks down at Roger. “I think it’s long past time to pay our Space Man a visit.”

Roger pales. “Please don’t! He’ll think I had something to do with it.”

“Then I’ll be sure to tell him it was all my idea and that I haven’t spoken to you.”

Roger is on the verge of a panic attack. “Please don’t Fred.”

Freddie nods and strokes Roger’s hair. “I won’t…. yet but you didn’t deserve any of that Brimi-sized tantrum. Yes, he’s hurting but there’s no excuse for that.”

A few hours later, Roger is sleeping soundly, and Freddie stands in front of Brian. “Who knew you could be such a goddamnm bitch Maggie?”

“I should have known he’d send the reinforcements,” Brian replies sarcastically.

“And I should have known how bitchy you can get.”

“If you don’t like it, you can leave at any time.”

“What the hell happened Brimi? Why are you so pissed off with him? Do you think he wanted to die---to leave you and Gracie?”

“He promised me forever!” Brian roars standing to his full height. “He promised me he’d never leave me!”

“Maybe this was forever for you two. I know it fucking stinks that it played out this way, but damnit Bri, you can’t blame him for this. It’s not like he planned it this way.” Freddie reasons with the younger man. 

Brian looks up at Freddie. “How could he leave Gracie Fred? How could he leave his daughter like that?  
”  
Freddie shakes his head sadly, “I don’t know. I wish I did but I just don’t. But Brian, you can’t blame him. He loves you both so much.”

Brian looks up, tears filling his hazel eyes. “I wanna hate him so much for dying but…how can you hate someone that has been your world for fifty years and who gave you the greatest gift---a life together and a daughter?”

Freddie pulls Brian close and places a kiss on his forehead. “You can’t hate him, and you will always love him. Hold that in your heart and every time you look at Gracie, you’ll remember him.”

Brian nods slowly. “Love ya Fred. Miss you terribly.”

“Love you, sweet Maggie May. Now and always.” Freddie fades away and Brian is left alone again. He smiles softly and lays on the bed. Before too long, he is sound asleep, snoring softly.


	7. Doin' Alright

The next morning, Brian wakes up later than usual and instead of feeling bad about it, he decides to have a lie-in. He knows that the family will be gathering to arrange Roger’s funeral but finds himself looking forward to seeing everyone, even though the reason for it is quite sad.

His arm reaches over to Roger’s side of the bed and he startles slightly when it hits something solid. He turns his head and sees a lump under the covers which his sleep-addled brain realizes must be Gracie. He gently pulls back the covers and sees his daughter, snuggled up beside him, clutching a well-loved unicorn that Roger had given her when they had adopted her. He brushes her hair with a soft kiss and watches as she moves in her sleep.

Gracie’s eyes flutter open and she smiles as she sees her Papa looking down at her. “Good morning Poppet. I hope I didn’t wake you.” Brian says softly.

Gracie yawns and smiles. “Morning Papa. No, you didn’t but I kinda felt you moving and thought you’d be mad.”

“Why would I be mad sweetheart?”

“Because I thought you wanted to be alone. I was gonna wake up and sneak out before you woke up.”

“No. Don’t do that. If you want to come in here and sleep, you do that. I promise I won’t be mad.”

Gracie smiles for the first time since Roger’s death and flings her arms around Brian’s neck. “Love you, Papa.”

“Love you too Poppet. Why don’t you go and get dressed and we’ll go downstairs for breakfast okay?”

Gracie nods, grinning as she bounds out of bed and to the bedroom door. She turns and blows a kiss, winking at Brian in the same way Roger did the night he died. Brian’s breath catches in his throat and he slowly smiles at the sign Roger was giving him in the form of their beloved daughter. He gets out of bed and slowly dresses, dreading going downstairs and facing his family. He looks at himself in the mirror and shrugs. “Guess it will have to do.” 

He walks downstairs and into the kitchen where he hears Gracie chattering to her sisters. 

“I thought he would be mad, but he really wasn’t”, She tells Rory and Lola.

“I’m glad sweetheart.” Lola looks up and smiles as she sees Brian. “Morning Brian.” 

“Morning Lola.” Brian sits down and smiles at his family.

Adam and Rufus walk in and Rufus is grinning broadly. “Guys. We have something to tell you.” Adam begins nervously. “Uh…well…Um….I know this may be a case of the worst timing ever, but Roger passing away has made me realize that you never know how or when things can change for the worst. “ Adam realizes he’s rambling and takes a breath before continuing. “I’ve always wanted to know what true love is. The love of the person I want to spend the rest of my life with,” he looks over at Brian, “the love that you and Roger shared for over fifty years Bri. I guess I never thought it was possible…until I met Rufus.”

Brian smiles softly as he knows full well what the young man means. 

“I love Rufus more than anyone else in my life—present company excepted, and I don’t want something to happen to him without telling him. So,” Adam holds up Rufus’ left hand where a platinum band is on his ring finger, “I asked Rufus to marry me and he said yes.”

Brian’s eyes fill with tears and he grins broadly. “Took you long enough! I’m so happy and…I know Roger would be too. In fact, he bet me ages ago that you two would get married and I foolishly didn’t believe him.” He stands and crosses the room and embraces the two young men tightly. “He would be so very happy.”

Gracie rushes over to her brothers. “Can I please be in the wedding?” She asks Rufus.

“Of course, you can love. Who else is going to be the loveliest and most beautiful flower girl there?” He answers, grinning as he ruffles the young girl's hair.

“Yay Papa! I get to be in the wedding!”

Rufus turns to Brian. “I was wondering…. now, dad…well isn’t here, would you walk me down the aisle and stand as my witness? I mean you’ve known me just as long as dad did, but I’d understand if you couldn’t.”

“Oh, my Tiger Boy…of course I will.” Brian looks at the young man who reminds him so much of his beloved soulmate. He excuses himself from his family and walks out.

Rufus looks at Adam, “He’s upset, I can tell.”

“Maybe. Maybe he just needs time to let it all sink in and process everything. He loves you Ru but the man he loved for over fifty years was just killed in front of him, then his son tells him he’s going to be married….of course, his head is spinning.” Adam wraps his arms around Rufus and kisses the top of his head. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No…let me…it’s okay.” Rufus nods, walking out.  


Rufus finds Brian in the living room, gazing at a photo of his and Roger’s wedding. “You know, I almost didn’t marry him.” Brian hears Rufus walk into the room and turns his head.

“What? Why?”

“Fear. Self-doubt. Feelings of not being worthy of him.” Brian answers honestly.

Rufus sits down and glances at the photo. “He adored you, even in the dark times Bri. He loved you so much.”

“Yeah. I know. I do Ru but…I always wondered why someone as perfect as he was would want to be with someone like me who’s…well…not so perfect.”

“Brian, you know as well as I do, that he was far from perfect.” 

“To me he was.”

“Then that’s what matters. Not the fights and bullshit and regrets.” Rufus smiles softly. “He’d want you to be happy Bri. You and Gracie living the lives you were meant to.”

Brian looks over at the younger man. “I’m so happy for you and Adam Ru. I could tell from the first time you met that this was gonna happen.”

“What gave it away?” Rufus asks.

Brian thinks for a moment, “the longing looks when you thought no-one was paying attention. The way your hand snuck into his when you were walking beside each other…shall I go on?” Brian grins as the younger man blushes bright red. 

"Please don't." The younger man grins.


End file.
